May 25, 1862. Winston quite sick. Rain.
[Rebecca] May 25, 1862. A most acceptable rain last night is succeeded by clouds this morng. Winston sick in bed. Read most of the day in Mr Robertson’s lectures. Towards eveg. a steady rain sets in and continues until after we retire. We cannot be too thankful for it just at this time.
[Julia Fisher to Rebecca Bryant]
Thomasville May 25, 1862
Dearest Sis:
Do forgive me my long silence: every day I wanted to write and every day pressing duties and immediate cares prevented: I believe I have written at least fifty letters since I wrote you, but that is the very reason I could not write to you: I got involved in urgent cases where I have to write, and my conscience troubles me all the time about you: but dearest you are the only one I have so wholly neglected, (except for Lewis & Mary Ann who I try to write to whenever I can;) but dear Willie was not, and my last letter reached him just before he left E. Fla. to come to Mid Fla: a letter from him a few days ago written partly at Columbus, and partly at Montgomery says my letter "inspired and nerved him, as my letters always did," and I was thankful it reached him in time: God bless our dear boy: he was on his way to Corinth to join Beauregard as you will have heard ere this, (as he says he saw Davis just before leaving) he had hoped to run up here while near Tallahassee but was suddenly ordered off: If I had known of his being there, I should have gone down at once: he wrote pretty cheerfully, though disappointed at not seeing all or any before he left: a brave true letter, worthy of our noble boy: darling do you know how fully I sympathize with you? My heart runs over when I think of him, but I dare not dwell upon it; I only wish that you were here you could have something to cheer and divert your thoughts: It is terrible to “sit in solitude” at such a time and dwell on ones thoughts: it is the hardest of tasks: but may God give you the grace & patience & fortitude still to bear where you cannot act: Willy wrote one to tell Paris to “keep a stiff upper lip and we should come out right”: I sent his letter to Caroline & Paris immediately: I do not know the name of his company or Capt, only that it is the Fla regiment. I will find out, and I mean to write him at once: and to his Capt and if anything happens to him, if he should be sick or wounded, (which God in mercy forbid) I will try to reach him at all hazards, and if this is impossible, I will reach him through the influence of others: do not think this impossible, I have by the help of Providence, accomplished much in the last few months, I have many letters of thanks from men of influence, and this would all help me if any of our family were in distress and I needed a personal favor: my first object will be to find out the company & Capt: and meanwhile dearest Sis let us still hope & trust: Paris & Eddy are still stationed at Sav: dead and dying from there are continually brought home on the train, but so far they have escaped: I will send you a scrap or two I cut out of some papers, to let you know what had busied me so much: when the lady wrote me from Sav: I tried to get others to take hold & form a society for the relief of the sick soldiers: all held back, so I got the girls together, sent them out as agents, & weekly they meet at my house, & bring supplies: I asked Mr. Jones, McIntyre & Hayes to lend me the use of their names, and I often consult with them, and I call them managers, but they leave it all in my hands, as each have a heavy responsibility at home, a lady came & offered to go as nurse (a good women) (I had written to the two Presidents of the R. Roads, & got their permission to use their roads free) and I shall collect voluntary contributions from the people to remunerate her: and she goes when I wish her to, and the physicians &c keep me posted: we have sent lots of supplies to different Hospitals, & I have made appointments to meet ladies at important points through the country on the rail road at stated times, & send supplies: Franky promises to meet me with others at Quitman, 12 miles from her house, 30 from here: Caroline will meet me at Groover’s station, and other friends at Valdosta &c. I have to go Saturday of course: I went yesterday: a commission merchant received my things &c all straight, & people all seem willing & glad to assist me: I hope I shall be able to keep on, but almost fear I shall not: I get so tired: we tried to get a Hospital here to keep them from sending on sick way off to Macon & Augusta; Gen Lawton wrote me very kindly but does not promise to let them come; but we shall make another effort before they may be cut off from us, (as all daily fear) by the enemy, and then they will suffer from necessary nourishment: they really do not at times: we have two rooms fitted up lately opposite my house for passing sick soldiers, & friends send me in supplies, & I see that they are attended to, and if I need help, call upon my neighbors: all are kind: dear Mother still keeps well, and don’t mind my fussing children keep well too, and so well in their studies: I have about 26 pupils: I had to write to Loulie to, to invite her here, as she has been staying about among friends, near Tallahassee & Monticello: Richard is trying to get a school, he is a good man but helpless in such cases: Bro James Everitt’s overseer has gone to the war, & he has to stay up here & Caroline at Grooverville; I proposed to let Richard take the Grooverville place & look after his interests there; first he said year: then no: “Richard was not smart enough, couldn’t trust him”: it would do nicely if Richard had more characher & energy: we look for them daily here: Mrs Perriman too wrote after 18 months silence, (seeing my name in a Sav paper: she said:) saying Mr. P. was dying rapidly: consumption I suppose: and they could get no medical aid & could get no place to carry him to: I wrote her immediately that I could not invite them to my own house, as Mother was old & feeble, but would get a pleasant room for them, & told them the price &c: I was very sorry for her: Father and Mother Fisher with them at Satilla & her boys: her oldest in the “Camden Chasseurs”: I have not heard since; I wrote very cordially & kindly: Lewis isdoing very well so I am told, & the poor fellow writes continually: I must write him today in reply to two long letters, received some time since: Julia still does well at Carolines, though “dull” they say, yet she is a great help now: in fact Caroline could not get on without her: she & Carry tend store, make up mails &c, but Julie cant leave to make change: she is right handy & smart however in many things: Henry still is content at Mary’s & Mary clings to him & really loves him much: she is in better spirits & rather better health of late: Lizzy & the rest well: Lizzy loves Willie beyond anything almost; Franky went to the camp where her husband was stationed near Sav, and boarded close by some weeks: many soldiers were sick there, and she did a great deal of good with other ladies, attending to & nursing them, she is now at home, Wm. At Sav: Paris is elected under the new law, to be 3d Lieutenant: Willie wrote me of the changes in his Company & of his withdrawal with his Captain & six others, or he might I suppose, have been 2nd. Lieutenant: he also told me that he could have accepted offers & remained at home, I glory in his determination, though I pity you, & suffer for him: poor old Mother too feel it keenly: but dearest, though I know "the applause of the world" could not repay you or him, as you say, for one pang, yet there is a principle allied to our very religion: a spirit that lifts us above all common ties & affections: life is a little sacrifice, but we offer more than this the dearest hopes & affections of life upon & for this principle: honor & liberty: I would rather my boys should die in such a cause than live to witness its defeat: God grant they may never suffer that, the keenest & severst pang their proud heart could suffer. It may seem almost presumptuous what I have been & still am attempting, but the work fell into my hands; I am a thankful willing instrument, and I should feel that my life & labors were well paid for, if I only lived long enough to know that our liberty was won: I will not neglect other duties, Mother & my little ones here, but I am willing to suffer & die if it can only aid what is a cause of far more importance: a cause the success of which whould counterbalance the suffering of this generation for the sake of the next: you could give your children up to God: and your country is next to your God: in my heart they seen connected: no other love would cause me to yield that: yet I pity a Mothers's heart: it is hard: but are you not willing to suffer if need be, rather than lose all? dear Tivie too: but tell the darling child since she cannot change the facts; to meet them boldly as she can since they must be met, let us thank God our men do not shrink and we will not for their dear sakes. I trust Davis will accept if he can get any honorable position at home, I would have been glad if Willie had, yet I glory in his spirit: Winston too, I earnestly echo your prayer, may he be spared many years to you. You said in one letter something about your not being able to do much good now &c, & my being useful: dear Sis, I realize all the time that though God uses me as an active instrument often in his hands, I effect less real good than you have always accomplished: your quiet, steady influence, your patient fortitude, & cheerful submission always heretofore, now you are sorely tried, yet you will come out of the furnace like gold, while I hurry away, life & labor on in the midst of a thousand thoughts that only busy, do not sanctify my heart, you turn in solitude to God, & are daily growing nearer to him; while I benefit some, I offered some and for every word of praise given, I know I have one of criticism if not condemnation: I do not admire or like myself, yet I must fulfil my destiny, and carry out (like William) my strong angelic impulses: You darling are like a perpetual sweet incense though burning, yet always fragrant still, our darling blessed little Ruby. Mother sends much love, & Carry & Mary often & much: Your last letter came this morning: I was going to write today any how: Your other came just after I wrote last:
[Julia]
